


Don't Put Cats In A Group Chat

by quornchickennugget



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, M/M, Textfic, Total Trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 07:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7608397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quornchickennugget/pseuds/quornchickennugget
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Nekoma team start a group chat.</p><p>Why did anyone think this would be a good idea?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lev's Homework

**_Nobuyukai_ ** _ changed the chat name to  _ **_Nekoma Group Chat_ **

**inuoka_uwu:** Yay group chat! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**yaku:** Okay if we’re having a group chat we need rules. Rule one, no swearing. Rule two, no spamming. Rule three, no adding people who aren’t part of the team.

**Tetsuhoe:** Not even my bro?

**yaku:** Especially not your bro.

**Tetsuhoe:** ; - ;

**applepiekenma:** this is going to end horribly.

**Inuoka_uwu:** Don’t be so pessimistic, Kenma-san! ヽ(゜∇ ゜)ノ

**Nobuyukai:** I think he’s being optimistic if anything…

**Tetsuhoe:** Yeah well out of all of us only three are likely to ruin it. You might be okay!

**taketorayy:** Who? And hey group chat!

**Tetsuhoe:** Well there’s two of us.

**taketorayy:** Wait a minute are you implying that I’d ruin the chat?

**taketorayy:** I AM OFFENDED

**Tetsuhoe:** Yamamoto, shut up.

**taketorayy:** I was just saying. Anyways, I’m not half as bad as Lev.

**applepiekenma:** valid point. Speaking of Lev, where is he?

**yaku:** I did think that he’d be the first to notice a group chat…

**inuoka_uwu:** Maybe he’s busy? (✿◠‿  ◠)

**Tetsuhoe:** Busy, huh? ≖ ‿   ≖

**inuoka_uwu:** Well I just thought he’d be doing homework or something  ^‿  ^

**Tetsuhoe:** Oh? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**yaku:** Kuroo stop that train of thought right now.

**yaku:** Kuroo what are you doing?

**yaku:** Kuroo I stg…

**inuoka_uwu:** I don’t get it… O_o

**_Tetsuhoe_ ** _ changed  _ **_yaku_ ** _ ’s nickname to  _ **_Homework._ **

**inuoka_uwu:** NOW I GET IT ∑(゜Д゜;)

**inuoka_uwu:** Excuse me I’m going to bleach my eyes.  ⊙﹏⊙

**_Homework_ ** _ has left the chat. _

**_Tetsuhoe_ ** _ added  _ **_Homework_ ** _ to the chat. _

**Homework:** Kuroo I hate you so much.

**taketorayy:** you realise that you could just change your name back?

**Tetsuhoe:** Yeah but Yamamoto.

**Tetsuhoe:** Consider this

**Tetsuhoe:** What if Yaku actually wants to be Lev’s homework ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**applepiekenma:** that doesn’t make any sense…

**Tetsuhoe:** Yeah it does, we all know that Yaku wants to get slammed down on the table and done by Lev.

**Homework:** KUROO THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THIS CHAT.

**Tetsuhoe:** You aren’t denying anything though :D

**HaibaLeg:** Hi guys! Sorry I was just doing homework.

**taketorayy:** OH MY

**Tetsuhoe:** Oh we know, don’t you worry. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Homework:** end me and burn my body.

**HaibaLeg:** Yaku-san? Why is your nickname Homework?

**HaibaLeg:** Wait I’m looking through the chat…

**Homework:** Oh god LEV NO.

**taketorayy:** well we all know you were saying that last night…

**Nobuyukai:** I think you’re all going a little too far…

**Tetsuhoe:** Maybe, but Yakkun still hasn’t changed his name back yet >:D

**Homework:** Well yeah, I can’t!

**Tetsuhoe:** You mean you don’t want to? ≖ ‿   ≖

**Homework:** No seriously, I’m on my laptop. I literally have a nokia brick.

**Nobuyukai:** To be fair, you actually can’t change your name on a laptop. I’m on one too.

**Homework:** So can someone change it back for me?

**Tetsuhoe:** Nah.

**taketorayy:** nah

**applepiekenma:** nah

**Homework:** KENMA?!

**HaibaLeg:** nah

**Homework:** LEV?!?!

**HaibaLeg:** What? It’s nice that someone would want that from me. (◕‿  ◕✿) 

**Tetsuhoe:** We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of our teammate, Haiba Lev.

_ Seen by everyone. _

_ ~And so the group chat went silent for an hour or two, until...~ _

**_HaibaLeg_ ** _ changed  _ **_Homework_ ** _ 's nickname to  _ **_Yaku_ **

**_HaibaLeg_ ** _ changed his nickname to  _ **_Homework_ **

**Tetsuhoe:** Wait what?

**Yaku:** Well I kinda went to Lev's house.

**Yaku:** And I kinda gave him a piece of my mind.

**Homework:** Basically Yaku-san can't be my homework because I don't do my homework

**Homework:** But

**Homework:** He always does his. >:D

**_Yaku_ ** _ removed  _ **_Homework_ ** _ from the chat. _


	2. An Unexpected Revelation!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the first years now in the group chat, Yaku and Kuroo want to preserve their innocence as best they can! 
> 
> Apparently, as best they can isn't very well at all.
> 
> A shocking discovery is made! And Fukunaga finally speaks!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is trash I just wanted Fukunaga to speak and be a freaking sass lord. This chapter is much ruder than the last one. Just saying. And there is implications of naughty goings-on...  
> Also, I have fallen into OT4 hell with YamaYamaYamaYama (that's Yamaguchi, Kageyama, Yamamoto and Shibayama) and I just wanted to tell you all that it is a thing and that it is beautiful please consider it okay.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

**uwu_yuukis:** Hey guys! (◠‿◠✿)

 **inuoka_uwu:** Hi! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **uwu_yuukis:** Sorry for not being in much of the chat… (◕︵◕) I haven’t missed much, have I?

 **Yaku:** You haven’t missed anything.

 **uwu_yuukis:** Oh okay! ≧◡≦ And hi, Yaku-senpai! But why isn’t Lev in the chat?

 **inuoka_uwu:** Umm… >~<

 **Yaku:** Because he’s Lev.

 **uwu_yuukis:** Oh… well I feel a bit bad being in here without him… ●︿●

 **Yaku:** Don’t.

 **Yaku:** It’s peaceful now.

 **uwu_yuukis:** But I feel like we’re leaving him out… ;~;

 **Yaku:** Shibayama please don’t

 **_uwu_yuukis_ ** _added_ **_Homework_ ** _to the chat._

 **uwu_yuukis:** Wait why is he called homework? O_o

 **Homework:** Well…

 **Yaku:** HE DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW.

 **Yaku:** HE IS A CHILD

 **uwu_yuukis:** Huh? (o~o)

 **Yaku:** It doesn’t matter.

 **Yaku:** Can someone change Lev’s name?

 **taketorayy:** But it’s fine as it is

 **Yaku:** No, it really isn’t.

 **taketorayy:** Kuroo-san help me out here.

 **Tetsuhoe:** Yaku’s right we can’t be like this in front of the children.

 **uwu_yuukis:**???

 **taketorayy:** says the guy with the word hoe in his name.

 **taketorayy:** says the guy who made all those jokes just the other day.

 **Tetsuhoe:** yeah but my bro picked that for me I’m not gonna change it and betray him like that. I am a kind, loyal friend.

 **Tetsuhoe:** And the children weren’t around then.

 **Tetsuhoe:** I can feel you all glaring at me please stop.

 **Yaku:** Anyway, someone has to change Lev’s username to something more appropriate.

 **_taketorayy_ ** _changed_ **_Homework_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_tallannoyingshit_ ** _._

 **tallannoyingshit:** ; ~ ; I’m being bullied Yaku-saaaan!!

 **Yaku:** Yamamoto. No.

 **tallannoyingshit:** YAKU-SAN YOU’RE STICKING UP FOR ME?!

 **Yaku:** LET ME FINISH, SKYSCRAPER!

 **Yaku:** Whilst that is largely appropriate to Lev, I meant something more appropriate to a chat with CHILDREN in it.

 **taketorayy:** Oh right

 **_taketorayy_ ** _changed_ **_tallannoyingshit_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_annoyinggiraffe_ ** _._

 **Yaku:** Better.

 **annoyinggiraffe:** o(╥﹏╥)o Yaku-san why?

 **Tetsuhoe:** Tune in next week for more ‘Yaku the Tsundere’.

 **Yaku:** I AM NOT A TSUNDERE!

 **applepiekenma:** you’re a tsundere.

 **Yaku:** What would possibly make you think I’m a tsundere?

 **Tetsuhoe:** Apart from the entire way you act around Lev?

 **taketorayy:** yenno, acting all cold around him during the day but from what we’ve heard, that all changes by night :D

 **Yaku:** YAMAMOTO STOP BEING INAPPROPRIATE.

 **Yaku:** WE NEED TO PRESERVE THE INNOCENCE OF THE FIRST YEARS.

 **fukuneko:** And you’ve done a great job of preserving Lev’s what with sticking your dick in his ass and all.

 **taketorayy:** FUKUNAGAOHMYGOD

 **applepiekenma:** PFFT

 **Tetsuhoe:** LMAO

 **fukuneko:** I didn’t mean to send that…

 **Yaku:** ………….

 **Yaku:** Yeah well I’ve given up on Lev’s…

 **fukuneko:** Was that before or after you stuck your dick in his ass?

 **taketorayy:** OHMYGODDDDD

 **taketorayy:** I AM SCREENSHOTTING THIS

 **taketorayy:** IT IS MY NEW HOME SCREEN AND LOCK SCREEN

 **taketorayy:** PUT IT ON MY TOMBSTONE.

 **fukuneko:** I didn’t mean to send that either…

 **_Yaku_ ** _left the chat._

 **_Tetsuhoe_ ** _added_ **_Yaku_ ** _to the chat._

 **annoyinggiraffe:** Yaku-san don’t be such a baby about it.

 **Nobuyukai:** Hi what have I missed?

 **Nobuyukai:** Oh…

 **Nobuyukai:** Nice one, Fukunaga.

 **applepiekenma:** who’d have thought that Lev would be the mature one about this?

 **annoyinggiraffe:** KENMA-SAN COMPLIMENTED ME!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **Nobuyukai:** You’re turning into Inuoka and Shibayama with those emojis...

 **Tetsuhoe:** Speaking of the children…

 **Tetsuhoe:** Oh no…

 **Yaku:** We exposed them to that…

 **Tetsuhoe:** Yaku this is bad.

 **Yaku:** I can’t believe this…

 **Tetsuhoe:** Are we…?

 **Yaku:** Yeah… I think we are…

 **Tetsuhoe:** WE’RE BAD PARENTS!!! ಥ_ಥ

 **Tetsuhoe:** They haven’t replied in ages…

 **Tetsuhoe:** HAVE THEY BEEN BROKEN???!

 **Yaku:** I feel… awful.

 **Tetsuhoe:** They’re gonna call social services on us…

 **inuoka_uwu:** Hmm? Oh we’re fine. Just enjoying the show! ≧◡≦

 **uwu_yuukis:** Yep! (✿◠‿ ◠)

 **Yaku:** … They’re not asking about things…

 **Tetsuhoe:** … They’re acting like the rest of the team…

 **Yaku:** Kuroo…

 **Tetsuhoe:** THEY’VE LOST THEIR INNOCENCE!!!

 **Nobuyukai:** You guys are aware that they’re fifteen years old?

 **Yaku:** Exactly!

 **Tetsuhoe:** They’re so young and pure!

 **_Nobuyukai_ ** _removed_ **_Tetsuhoe_ ** _from the chat._

 **_Nobuyukai_ ** _removed_ **_Yaku_ ** _from the chat._

 **applepiekenma:** that’s better.

 **taketorayy:** no it’s not. Now I have Kuroo begging me to add him back on private.

 **taketorayy:** my phone is vibrating so much that Yaku could make good use out of it…

 **applepiekenma:** that’s really gross…

 **annoyinggiraffe:** I don’t get it…

 **annoyinggiraffe:** Wait a minute...

 **annoyinggiraffe:** Oh.

 **Nobuyukai:** I think we ought to stop with the Yaku jokes now…

 **inuoka_uwu:** I think that’s probably for the best.

 **Nobuyukai:** Yamamoto you can add those two again if they’ve calmed down.

 **_taketorayy_ ** _added_ **_Tetsuhoe_ ** _to the chat._

 **_taketorayy_ ** _added_ **_Yaku_ ** _to the chat._

 **Nobuyukai:** So… changing the subject?

 **annoyinggiraffe:** What’s everyone’s plans for today?

 **inuoka_uwu:** Funny you should ask! Yuuki, I’m just setting off for your place now! I’ll be there in 10! ★~(◠ω◕✿)

 **uwu_yuukis:** Okay babe (ノ・ω・)ノ

 **Yaku:** ……

 **Tetsuhoe:** What?

 **uwu_yuukis:** Well this is awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUAHAHAHAHA! And there shall be more inushiba goodness in the next chapter! Yaaay!
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr to yell at me about cat dorks (or any volleyball dorks) @volleybirb-king


	3. Babe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babemagnet: What exactly did I do to deserve this?  
> Nobuyukai: Well, dating Lev probably has something to do with it.
> 
> OR
> 
> Yaku-san used a pet name! The Nekoma team has a new OTP! There are two unexpected appearances!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got my GCSE results! It was really scary but I can do all the subjects I want to at sixth form so I guess that's good :D
> 
> Also, I am 102293383929498% down for Inushiba knowing each other since middle school and Alisa being a huuuuuge fan of OHSHC and getting the boys to watch it.

**annoyinggiraffe:** Hey!

 **annoyinggiraffe:** Anyone here?

 **annoyinggiraffe:** Yooooooo! :P

 **annoyinggiraffe:** If nobody messages then you all agree I'm awesome! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **Yaku:** Lev shut the hell up.

 **annoyinggiraffe:** Mean, Yaku-san!

 **Yaku:** That sounds oddly familiar...

 

_Somewhere near Sendai a brown-haired, third-year setter sneezed._

 

 **Tetsuhoe:** Lovers' quarrel? Yakkun you really ought to be more careful about the way you treat your boyfriend. (^з^)-☆ _  
_

**Yaku:** Go away, Kuroo.

 **Tetsuhoe:** Oya oya? You know I'm right?

 **Yaku:** Kuroo just because you're jealous of Karasuno's chibi-chan for hanging out with Kenma today doesn't mean you can take it out on me.

 **Tetsuhoe:**...

 **annoyinggiraffe:** SHOT DOWN! Nice one, Yaku-san!!! <3 

 **Yaku:** Thank you babe.

 **Tetsuhoe:** Oyaoyaoya? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Yaku:** Wait

 **Yaku:** I DIDN'T MEAN TO ADD THAT.

 **Tetsuhoe:** Pet names, Yakkun?

 **Yaku:** KUROO NO

 **Tetsuhoe:** You know what this calls for?

 **Yaku:** KUROO I SWEAR IF YOU TRY

_**Tetsuhoe** changed  **annoyinggiraffe** 's nickname to **Babe**._

**taketorayy:** Sorry for not replying I was hanging with... wait WHAT?

 **Nobuyukai:** To be completely honest I'm rather disturbed... This is Lev we're talking about...

 **Tetsuhoe:** True, but we all know Yakkun's tastes are rather sub-par. We have to be happy for the kid.

 **Babe:** (╥_╥)

 **Yaku:** Nice job, asshat. You made him cry.

 **Tetsuhoe:** Sticking up for your "babe" are we? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Tetsuhoe:** How romantic. 

 **Yaku:** I will kill you in your sleep.

 **uwu_yuukis:** Yaku-senpai's using pet names! \\(‘o’)/

 **Inuoka_uwu:** Next thing you know they'll have matching usernames too! >^●ᴥ●^<

 **Tetsuhoe:** Great idea!

 **Yaku:** INUOKA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

_**Tetsuhoe** changed  **Yaku** 's nickname to  **Babemagnet**._

**Babemagnet:**  What exactly did I do to deserve this?

 **Nobuyukai:** Well, dating Lev probably has something to do with it.

 **Babemagnet:** Well it's not like it's my fault he's freaking adorable.

 **Babemagnet:** I mean have you seen his eyes they're so green and pretty and his smile is so cute and his body is a blessing and he's annoying as hell sometimes but he's honestly so adorable and I can't help it that I love

 **Babemagnet:** I MEANT TO PRESS BACKSPACE

 **Babe:** YAKU-SAN LOVES ME!!!!!! (｡♥‿♥｡)

_**Babemagnet** has left the chat._

**_Babe_ ** _added_ **_Babemagnet_ ** _to the chat._

**taketorayy:**  I think I'm gonna be sick...

 **Nobuyukai:** Let's change the subject.

 **Tetsuhoe:** Good idea.

 **Tetsuhoe:** So Shibayama in the previous chapter you referred to Inuoka as "babe".

 **Nobuyukai:** That isn't exactly what I meant...

 **Inuoka_uwu:** Oh yeah we've been dating since middle school. ★~(>ω<✿)

 **Babe:**  Why was I not informed about this? (QAQ)

 **Inuoka_uwu:** Yuuki didn't want a fuss made so we kept it down. (✿◠‿◠)

 **Nobuyukai:**... Aren't we meant to be changing the subject?

 **taketorayy:** Yeah but this is cute.

 **Nobuyukai:** Good point.

 **applepiekenma:** UWOH!!!! INUOKA!!! SHIBAYAMA!!! YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOOO CUTE TOGETHERRRR!!!! :DDD

 **applepiekenma:** It's Shouyou speaking, by the way!!! :D

 **Nobuyukai:** No offence, Hinata-kun but it was kind of obvious.

 **Tetsuhoe:** Chibi-chan! Take care of my Kenma!

 **Babemagnet:** "my Kenma"

 **Babemagnet:** As you would say: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **applepiekenma:** What's with the name????

 **Babemagnet:** Don't ask.

 **Babe:** Yaku-san called me babe :DDDDDDDD

 **applepiekenma:** GGGWWWWAAAAAHHHHH!!!! THAT'S AWESOME LEV!!!! 

 **Babemagnet:** Yeah that's cute and all can you get Kenma back please?

 **Tetsuhoe:** Yakkun's getting flustered.

 **Babemagnet:** "my Kenma".

 **Tetsuhoe:** I am team dad it is natural for me to worry about my child.

 **Alisah:** Tetsurou-kun have you ever seen Ouran High School Host Club?

 **Babe:** Wait whY IS ALISA IN HERE???

 **Alisah:** Oh yeah I've been in this chat the whole time.

 **Alisah:** I've just been casually watching this whole conversation.

 **taketorayy:** Well that was unexpected.

 **Nobuyukai:** Wait so you've seen everything that's been happening with Lev?

 **Alisah:** Yep! Now I know where he's been going every weekend and who all those "secret" phone calls are from...

 **Alisa:** Nice going, Lyovochka <3

_**Babe** has left the chat._

**Alisah:**  He'll be back once I start telling his boyfriend all of his secrets.

 **Alisah:** Anyway! Tetsurou-ku~n! You can not back down!! Your affections for Kenma-kun are more than paternal, though you may not think it!!

 **Alisah:**[Watch this and find strength](http://kissanime.to/Anime/Ouran-Koukou-Host-Club).

 

 **Nobuyukai:** I get the feeling that this is going to go horribly...

 

_Six hours later..._

 

 **Tetsuhoe:** Ai tai ima yasashii kimi ni SAKURA KISS tokimeitara ranman koi shiyo mirai yori mo ima ga kanjin uruwashi haru no koi wa hanasaku otome no bigaku!

 **Babemagnet:** This chat is a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Thanks for reading!


	4. Coming Out: Haiba Style, Getting the Guy, and Keeping the Last Shreds of Your Dignity. Maybe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babemagnet: Is this real?  
> Tetsuhoe: Is this just fantasy?  
> taketorayy: Who cares it's hilarious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The last one! Mainly because I find making people laugh difficult as I'm a deeply un-funny person. Oh and I have 789632148632584102368541268541265412365410200000002152016245 fics to work on plus a ton of schoolwork so...
> 
> Nonetheless, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

**Nobuyukai:** Hello...?

**Tetsuhoe:** Hi.

**applepiekenma:** hes finally stopped...

**Babemagnet:** Thank every deity there is.

**Tetsuhoe:** Hey, don't diss OHSHC. It's a great show.

**Alisah:** True that.

**Nobuyukai:** Oh, hello Alisa-san. 

**Alisah:** Hello! Just call me Alisa! And anyway, Tetsurou-kun! Business! Which one's your favourite?

**Alisah:** Mine's Haruhi >:3

**Tetsuhoe:** I liked Haruhi's personality best, but Tamaki is pretty hot.

**taketorayy:** That sounds... Really gay.

**applepiekenma:** taketora did it not occur to you that not a single person on the team is straight?

**Alisah:[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjLr1XhBKVQ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjLr1XhBKVQ)**

**Tetsuhoe:** Petition to make this our official theme song.

**taketorayy:** Seems legit.

**applepiekenma:** i dont see anything wrong with that

**Babemagnet:** I think that should just be the national anthem of Volleyball.

**Nobuyukai:** That's a good point.

**applepiekenma:** Shouyou says that none of his team is straight...

**applepiekenma:** the team all seem to be dating or interested in each other, the managers are dating and the coaches are too, apparently.

**applepiekenma:** oh and one of his teammates has a sister who is "about as straight as a rainbow".

**Alisah:** Someone say lesbians?

**Babemagnet:** Why did Kenma just use a capital letter?

**Nobuyukai:** What did Alisa mean by her message?

**taketorayy:** Find out next week on 'Don't Put Cats In A Group Chat'.

**Tetsuhoe:** But it was said in the author's note that this would be the last chapter...

**Babemagnet:** Fair point.

**Babe:** WAITWAITWAIT!

**Babe:** We need answers to these questions!

**AlienTooru:** The truth is out there.

**AlienTooru:<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRWbIoIR04c>**

_**Tetsuhoe** removed  **AlienTooru** from the chat._

**Tetsuhoe:** How did he even get in here?

**Babemagnet:** Who knows?

**Babe:** Still. First of all, Alisa are you gay?

**Alisah:**...

**Alisah** : **<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3ECU6xtp68>**

**Tetsuhoe:** This is my song.

**taketorayy:** I think I'm gonna send this to my little sister...

**Babe:** Alisa that's freaking awesome!

**Babe:** But why didn't you let on earlier?

**Alisah:** Lyovochka, I honestly thought you'd have figured it out beforehand.

**Alisah:** Is there a single straight person involved with volleyball?

**taketorayy:** They exist?

**applepiekenma:** alisa-san, Shouyou wants to know if he can send that video to his teammates.

**Tetsuhoe:** A CAPITAL S FOR SHOUYOU AND PUNCTUATION!!!

**Alisah:** Of course! It's for everyone, you know!

**Nobuyukai:** But that capital S for Shouyou...

**taketorayy:** Does everyone on this team have really low standards?

**Inuoka_uwu:** I don't!!!

**uwu_yuukis:**  Mine are super-high, just saying. \\(^~^)/

**Tetsuhoe:** Hmm... I'm not sure about the rest of you but Yakkun has the lowest. Just saying. 

**Babe:** :'(

**Babemagnet:**  Okay that was a bit too far. Kenma's at least equal. Look at chibi-chan!

**applepiekenma:** wait what makes you think i like Shouyou?

**Tetsuhoe:**...

**taketorayy:**...

**Babemagnet:**...

**Babe:**...

**Inuoka_uwu:**...

**uwu_yuukis:**...

**fukuneko:**...

**Nobuyukai:**...

**Alisah:**...

**applepiekenma:** okay i get the point

**applepiekenma:** but even if i did he's pretty blunt... and that number 9 is a thing

**Alisah:** Kenma-kun, you'll never know for sure until you try! Ask him out!

**applepiekenma:**... thats never gonna work

**Alisah:** Please, just try!

**applepiekenma:**... okay...

[Ten minutes later]

**applepiekenma:** it... worked...

**Nobuyukai:** Huh?

**applepiekenma:** i spoke to Shouyou...

**applepiekenma:** and it worked?

**Alisah:** ;)

**Inuoka_uwu:** NICE GOING, KENMA-SAN!!!

**Inuoka_uwu:** Shouyou's blowing up my messages right now, but I'm happy for you!

**Tetsuhoe:** My little Kenken's growing up :')

**applepiekenma:** Kuro... dont call me that... and are you okay with this?

**Tetsuhoe:** Kenma I'm your friend, not your keeper. If Chibi-chan makes you happy then I support it.

**Nobuyukai:** This is oddly sweet.

**taketorayy:** Weird, but sweet.

**Alisah:[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNAr5tzZxdk&spfreload=10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNAr5tzZxdk&spfreload=10)**

**Alisah:** Tetsurou-kun... don't mind.

**Tetsuhoe:** To be honest I can't really think on it because that damn song's stuck in my head.

**Tetsuhou:** Oh...

**taketorayy:** Alisa where do you find these things?

**Alisah:** YouTube. That's what it says in the URL, ya know ;)

**Nobuyukai:** Ouch...

**Tetsuhoe:** Alisa nice kill!

**Nobuyukai:** Is it just me or have you now already said that to her more than her brother?

**Tetsuhoe:**... Yes I have.

**Babemagnet:** Okay you little...

**uwu_yuukis:** Congratulations, Kenma-senpai! You guys are super cute together! The cutest!

**Inuoka_uwu:** *second cutest >w< You're cutest.

**uwu_yuukis:** O / / / O

**Tetsuhoe:** I think if it was anyone else I'd be mad at them for stealing the thunder...

**Nobuyukai:** But those two are way too cute.

**taketorayy:** True.

**applepiekenma:** theyre like boys mixed with puppies mixed with kittens mixed with love mixed with rainbows...

**Tetsuhoe:** What you would truly call "Relationship Goals".

**uwu_yuukis:** You guys... >///<

**inuoka_uwu:** (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄  Stop now, you're embarrassing us...

**Tetsuhoe:** So precious. So pure.

**Babemagnet:** Must be protected.

**Alisah:** Lyovochka! You need to invite your friends over! I have a wedding to plan! o(≧∇≦o)

**uwu_yuukis:** Σ(ﾟДﾟ；) I thought we were talking about Kenma and Shouyou? 

**Babe:** Yeah but there's more to talk about with you guys.

**Inuoka_uwu:** Huh?

**Babe:** Mmhmm! I think now's probably a good time to own up to what happened that time in the club room...

**Tetsuhoe:** What?

**applepiekenma:** wait what

**fukuneko:**...

**Nobuyukai:**???

**Alisah:** What???

**taketorayy:** Are you referring to... that?

**taketorayy:** You don't think... that was them??

**Babemagnet:** You're going to have to be more specific.

**Babe:** One time, Yamamoto-san and I had to go to check if the clubroom was locked, and there were some really weird noises going on inside.

**taketorayy:** Whoever was in there evidently did not want to get caught.

**Inuoka_uwu:** I don't know what's going on here...

**Nobuyukai:** I think we're all with you on that one...

**uwu_yuukis:** Lev. ಠ_ಠ

**uwu_yuukis:** I trusted you.

**uwu_yuukis:** I held every single one of your secrets and I didn't tell a soul.

**Babe:** Yeah but... Everyone knows you're together now and it's kinda funny to watch them react...

**uwu_yuukis:** I bet it'll be even funnier when they react to the My Little Pony fiasco (•‿•)

**applepiekenma:** what

**Tetsuhoe:** Pfft...

**Babe:** I don't know what you're talking about...

**uwu_yuukis:** You don't remember? Maybe I'll tell them about your secret diary, huh?

**Babemagnet:** Is this real?

**Tetsuhoe:** Is this just fantasy?

**taketorayy:** Who cares it's hilarious.

**Babe:** I...

**uwu_yuukis:** Maybe I'll go all out and tell them about that time you snapchatted me your laptop screen whilst there was a porn tab running in the background.

**uwu_yuukis:** Would you like that? (•‿•)

**Babe:** uhh...

**uwu_yuukis:** DID I FUCKING STUTTER?

**Babe:** No...

**uwu_yuukis:** And the answer to my question?

**Babe:** No

**uwu_yuukis:** Good. Just know that if you humiliate me, I won't react but if you make Sou feel one single hint of embarrassment there won't even be a shred of your dignity left for you to crawl away with. Do you understand?

**Babe:** Yes

**uwu_yuukis:** Glad we got that cleared up! ☆.｡.:*(◕∇◕✿).｡.:*☆

**fukuneko:<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thhaf-bKWyg>**

**applepiekenma:** rip haiba leg

**Nobuyukai:**...

**taketorayy:** Cause of death: sick burns.

**applepiekenma:** *lev

**Tetsuhoe: **** Leg

_**Tetsuhoe** changed  **Babe** 's nickname to  **HaibaLeg**._

**Babemagnet:** Shibayama... I had no idea...

**Inuoka_uwu:** Nice one, Yuuki! ≧◠◡◠≦

**uwu_yuukis:** (ﾉ≧ڡ≦) Teehee~! Gotta sick up for my man ✿*,(*´◕ω◕`*)+✿.*

**HaibaLeg:**...

**fukuneko:<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y983TDjoglQ>**

**Tetsuhoe:** When Fukunaga makes it 50 times better

**taketorayy:** When doesn't he?

**taketorayy:** I mean

**taketorayy:** He's a funny guy...

**Nobuyukai:** No.

**Nobuyukai:** No more couples.

**Alisah:** I've got a song about that...

**Alisah:**<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ> 

 

_And, after clicking that link and being fooled, the entire Nekoma team screamed in rage and left the chat. But the chat wasn't dead quite yet..._

 

 

**NaoiManabu:** They're gone.

**NekomataYasufumi:** Thank goodness.

**NaoiManabu:** Quite the team they are, huh?

**NekomataYasufumi:** I'm quitting after this year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need help.  
> Thanks for reading everyone! If you genuinely enjoyed that, then all your kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for reading and I'll probably make another chatfic for stress relief or something, I don't know (I'm thinking Seijou, Dateko or Shiratorizawa). But seriously thank you so much and congratulations on finishing this heap of trash! *:･ﾟ✧(=✪ ᆺ ✪=)*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> Hit me up on Tumblr! shibayamasou or ask-inushiba!


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